I wish there was a better way to prepare for motherhood.I'm the oldest of four children. I've been babysitting since age 11 and I worked in a church day care during the summer in high school. I've taken child development classes and have read many books and articles pertaining to the subject.
Nothing can prepare you for the real thing.
There are some days I can't stop smiling because I'm so happy. But there are also days that end in tears. Actually, some days begin in tears.
Often I feel worn out physically, mentally and emotionally. The day to day tasks can be mind numbing. Growing up I thought that I would always feel this sweet, fulfilling feeling as a mother. The truth is, is that I don't.
For a long time I've been really disappointed and even depressed about that. Motherhood is such a noble and great calling, right? Then why don't I feel noble and great?!!!
I think I'm slowly finding some answers.
1- hormones
2- this quote by Elder Bednar-
"In my office is a beautiful painting of a wheat field. The painting is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes—none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of yellow and gold and brown paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produce a magnificent landscape of a wheat field. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting."
I feel like I'm just beginning to understand this concept. While each day might not feel like it was a noble, great or super fulfilling day, as I look back over the last two (very short) years that I've been a mother, I realize that what I am doing, as a whole, IS great and noble. And beautiful! I believe in what I am doing. I know it is so important to be with my children and to teach them. It can just be so hard to feel like you are making any difference at all some days.
So I'm trying to shift my paradigm. I'm realizing and trying to come to terms with the fact that each day will not feel like a victory or be super happy and wonderful. BUT the end result will be.
Lindsay, one thing that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE about you is your down-to-earth personality. When you are happy, you are happy and when you are frustrated, you are frustrated. It makes the world seem so fresh-to be around you! I'm not kidding. Most people I know, smile and smile and smile and you never know anything is wrong and you think you could never live up to someone like that- or even try to be like that. but- YOU have a fresh outlook on life that is so refreshing to hear the blunt reality. You don't sugar coat things. You tell them how they really are. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that about you!! Please blog more...or better yet...call me again :) love you! p.s. i'm right there with ya!
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone!!! and thanks for reminding me that I'm not either. :)
ReplyDeleteYou certainly are not alone. I feel like every other mother doesn't get frustrated like i do. Or feel crazy sometimes. Its good to know i am wrong in thinking i am the only one! Motherhood is a hard business.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right. Already, the days mesh together because I feel like "all I do" is take care of baby. This scripture makes me realize how important that calling is no matter how unglorified it may be:
ReplyDelete"Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." D&C 64:33